In relationships, trust is the foundation on which all else stands. But what do you do when that trust is violated by a pathological liar partner? Pathological liars are very skillful at lying and making up stories and can easily make it hard to determine what is real and what is not. If you think you’re dating a pathological liar, you need to look for the signs. This guide will help you understand these indicators and the steps you can take to address this issue.
What is a Pathological Liar?
A pathological liar is someone who lies compulsively and habitually—often without clear reason or benefit. These lies go beyond the occasional white lie; they’re frequent, unnecessary, and often told with ease and confidence. What makes pathological lying so troubling is that it can feel intentional and manipulative, even when the person may not fully understand why they do it.
Unlike people who lie to avoid consequences or get something they want, pathological liars lie out of habit. Sometimes, they fabricate entire stories, exaggerate details, or twist the truth so much that it’s hard to tell what’s real. Over time, this behavior can erode trust and leave loved ones feeling confused, hurt, and emotionally drained.
In relationships, dating a pathological liar can feel like you’re always playing detective—questioning what’s true and what’s not. Understanding what a pathological liar is can help you see the patterns more clearly and make informed decisions about your relationship. Recognizing the signs early on is key to protecting your emotional health and setting boundaries.
Key Signs You're Dating a Pathological Liar
- Avoids Accountability: They rarely admit when they’re wrong and often shift the blame onto others, making it hard to have honest conversations or resolve conflicts.
- Gaslighting and Emotional Manipulation: They twist the truth to make you question your memory, instincts, or even your sanity—leaving you confused and emotionally drained.
- Lies about the Smallest of Things: Even when there’s no reason to lie, they make things up—about what they had for lunch or where they were—just for the sake of lying.
- Charismatic and Convincing Behavior: They often come across as charming, confident, and persuasive, which can make it easier to believe them—even when your gut says something’s off.
- Their Stories Don’t Add Up: You start noticing inconsistencies in what they say—details change, timelines don’t match, and things just don’t make sense.
If these signs sound similar to your relationship, it is important to address the situation sensitively. Pathological lying could be a symptom of underlying psychological issues, including addiction and mental illness. At 12 South Recovery, we understand the intricacy of such issues and offer supportive treatment to individuals and families.
Why People Lie Pathologically
Pathological lying, sometimes called compulsive lying, isn’t just about bending the truth now and then. It’s a pattern of constant, often unnecessary lying that can leave loved ones feeling confused and betrayed. But for many compulsive liars, the behavior isn’t always about trying to hurt others—it’s often rooted in something deeper.
People may lie pathologically to protect themselves emotionally, avoid shame, or create a version of reality that feels more comfortable. Sometimes, it starts early in life, especially in chaotic or high-pressure environments where lying feels like the only way to cope or stay safe.
Mental health can also play a role. For example:
Someone living with bipolar disorder might exaggerate or even lie impulsively during a manic episode, not out of malice, but because their mind is racing and their sense of reality can become distorted. During these high-energy states, a person may feel overly confident, invincible, or driven to impress others—leading them to embellish stories, make unrealistic promises, or say things that aren’t grounded in truth. These moments often aren’t intentional deceit, but rather a symptom of the intense emotional and cognitive shifts that come with the disorder. It’s important to approach these situations with understanding and support, while also encouraging accountability and treatment.
Individuals with ADHD or ADD often face challenges with impulsivity, distraction, and memory lapses, which can sometimes lead them to say things without thinking or forget important details. When caught off guard, they may quickly make something up or cover things up, not out of a desire to lie, but as a way to fill in the blanks or avoid getting in trouble. These moments of storytelling or quick cover-ups are often a coping mechanism for the anxiety and pressure that come with feeling disorganized or misunderstood. It’s important to recognize that these behaviors are usually not manipulative—they’re a reflection of how ADHD can impact communication and self-regulation.
Certain personality disorders, such as narcissistic or antisocial personality disorder, can involve chronic lying, often used as a tool to manipulate situations, avoid responsibility, or maintain a sense of control. For someone with narcissistic traits, lying might stem from a deep need to protect their self-image or to appear more successful, admirable, or likable than they truly feel inside. In the case of antisocial personality disorder, dishonesty may be more calculated, used to exploit others or get what they want without regard for the consequences.
That said, being a compulsive liar doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it does help explain it. Many people who lie pathologically are struggling underneath the surface, often feeling insecure, unworthy, or afraid of being truly seen.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who lies constantly, it’s important to understand what might be driving that behavior. Setting boundaries, seeking support, or encouraging professional help can be the first steps toward clarity—for both of you.
Can a Pathological Liar Love Someone?
One of the hardest questions to face when you’re dating a compulsive liar is, “Do they love me?” The truth is, pathological liars do feel capable of love, but their behavior makes it difficult to demonstrate it in a positive, genuine way. Love alone doesn’t necessarily mean honesty—and if being a liar comes naturally, then even the most meaningful connections get damaged.
Pathological lying more often than not stems from fear, insecurity, or the need to control, not from love. Other times, the person may care but are simply not emotionally honest or open. Even so, love without trust can create a hurt, confusing relationship dynamic for the receiver.
If you’re constantly questioning what’s real, noticing signs of deceit in a relationship, or catching your partner in lie after lie, it’s important to listen to your instincts. Lies—no matter the intention—chip away at safety, emotional closeness, and mutual respect.
Therefore, though a pathological liar can love someone, love is not enough to build a healthy relationship. Responsibility, honesty, and a willingness to change are needed for healing and trust to be rebuilt.
How to Address the Situation
- Share Your Concerns: Share your observations and feelings freely with your partner.
- Set Boundaries: Clearly define what is acceptable in your relationship and the consequences of continued deception.
- Prioritize Your Mental and Emotional Well-being: Constant dishonesty can take a toll. Make sure you’re caring for yourself, emotionally and mentally, while navigating the situation.
- Seek Professional Help: Encourage your partner to seek help from mental health professionals. Support them throughout the recovery process.
- Know When To Walk Away: If the lying continues and trust can’t be rebuilt, it may be healthiest to step away, especially if the relationship is emotionally damaging.
Need Help? Contact Our Team!
Keep in mind, the initial step to healing is recognizing the issue. If you’re finding yourself with the problems of a pathological lying relationship, rest assured that help exists. 12 South Recovery specializes in the treatment of addiction as well as mental illness and provides a path forward in healing and rebuilding trust in relationships. If you or someone you know are struggling with the impact of pathological lying, Call 12 South Recovery Today and learn how we can assist you to cope with this complex issue.
FAQs
They lie frequently—even when there’s no clear reason—and often tell elaborate, inconsistent stories. Their lies can feel automatic, and they may show little guilt or awareness.
Yes, but change takes time, self-awareness, and often professional help. With therapy and a willingness to improve, some pathological liars can learn to be more honest and self-reflective.
A compulsive liar lies out of habit and discomfort with the truth, often about trivial things. A pathological liar may lie with more intention and emotional detachment, even when it harms others.
It often stems from underlying emotional issues, such as low self-esteem, trauma, or certain mental health disorders like personality disorders or ADHD. It can also develop as a coping mechanism.
It damages trust, emotional safety, and communication, often leaving partners feeling confused, anxious, and betrayed. Over time, it can lead to emotional exhaustion and the breakdown of the relationship.
